A year has passed by and we came to another celebration of Eid. Prior to that, the Holy month of Ramadhan. I hope everyone had a great month and moments full of peace and religious rituals. I pray to God hoping that I would still be around for next Ramadhan as I was still being a total ignorant to understand the contentment.
Today is the first day of Syawal and I felt that I’ve been through another transition. It’s not going to be the same again as the years I previously enjoyed. I started to understand that I am not going to depend my life to anybody but myself. By right, I should be out of my parents’ custody, as in moving out and eligible for marriage. Or in Malay we say it, “Dah selesai tanggungjawab mak abah.” That’s what Hazwan said to my parents too.
There’s a feeling in my heart which words enough couldn’t even explain. I used to be so numb but not today. My mum asked me about him and left me no reason not to tell her my side of story. Still, my emotions were kept tight inside. We walked to the mosque with my sister and maids. We performed sunat tahiyatul masjid right after we arrived. When I sat down, all the memories came back. All of the things I’ve ever prayed for him dashed off my head. The Imam summoned for the Sunat Aidilfitri prayer made me forgot about it for a while. I wished the sound system could have been better.
The khutbah was read and I could hardly hear the gist of the message allowing my mind to be separated from my body. Without realising it, my tears started to shred and poured on my red cheeks. As much as I wanted to let all this out but I have to cover it from my sister and mother. They both did notice but never questioned. A moment after that, I started to feel myself at peace. Yes, it’s so calm and put me at my greatest rest.
For some reason I should learn to always, always exercise on my patience. Although being transparent and bluntly honest can never help me to solve my problems because another party would have mistaken me. So I need to always to consider people’s acceptance and white lies are strictly apply. I am a human and imperfect. I tend to forget all the things I’ve ever wished for and to be exact, never appreciate of what I have. Isn’t what’s been happening is what I’ve been wishing for? Didn’t I dream about all this before? Why complaint? Because I was being gelojoh. Above all, I am happy about us.
So I’ve learnt. I am very much at peace and looking forward for better days to come. My work will always get on my nerves. Well, hitting RM 100 k per month for individual from non-banking background is ridiculous! But doesn’t mean impossible too! Just need to keep on trying. To my younger cousins, sorry la ye, Kak Cbu tak mampu nak bagi duit raya tahun ni. Tunggula tahun depan… haha…
I’m having an open house next weekend. Very much unprepared. I wish J is still around. Farah knows how I was so crazy about him. J, how have you been? God, where can I find any guy like him? I really love to have him around. His energy, his thoughts, his charm, his sense of humour, the way he carries himself really impress me! But he left because there’s a better place for him that makes him happier. Sighs for me.
Before I end this post, I would like to wish every reader on my blog Happy Eid Mubarak, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir Batin. I’m seeking forgiveness and better days to live on. May God bless us all.
p/s: Congratulations Kamarul for your engagement!!! Yes, S is super cute but let’s leave it at that =). If you are looking for a personal loan with competitive rate and hassle-free, let me know too!
